Christmas: A day of the year when people use money they don't have to buy for people they don't like gifts that they don't need.
New Year's Day: The time to plan your annual good intentions.
Week after New Year's: The time when you begin paving the road to hell.
Diplomacy: The ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they actually look forward to the trip.
Dust: Mud with the juice squeezed out.
Embalmer: The last person you want to meet.
Historian: An unsuccessful novelist. (H. L. Mencken)
History: Gossip well told. (Elbert Hubbard)
Savers: Those who have all the funds.
Suburbia: Where they cut down the trees and name streets after them.
Synonym: A word used in place of one you can't spell.