Friends

The words friend, friends, friendly, and friendship are found in 18 verses in the book of Proverbs.

A friend is a person who is attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard; a person who gives assistance and support; a person with whom one has a bond of mutual affection. In common use, by “friend” we most often mean someone outside of familial or sexual relationships.

Friendship can be superficial (on the surface, shallow).

• Proverbs 14:20 The poor is hated even of his own neighbour: but the rich hath many friends.
• Proverbs 19:4 Wealth maketh many friends; but the poor is separated from his neighbour.
• Proverbs 19:6 Many will intreat the favour of the prince: and every man is a friend to him that giveth gifts.
• Proverbs 27:6 Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.

Friendship can be beneficial (resulting in good).

• Proverbs 27:6 Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.
• Proverbs 27:17 Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend. 

Friendship can be substantial (genuine, tangible).

• Proverbs 17:9 He that covereth a transgression seeketh love; but he that repeateth a matter separateth very friends.
• Proverbs 27:9 Ointment and perfume rejoice the heart: so doth the sweetness of a man’s friend by hearty counsel.

Friendship can be perpetual (continuous, ongoing). 

• Proverbs 17:17 A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.
• Proverbs 18:24 A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.

Jesus is a friend. 

The Bible says so. 

• Luke 7:34 The Son of man is come eating and drinking; and ye say, Behold a gluttonous man, and a winebibber, a friend of publicans and sinners!
• Luke 12:4 And I say unto you my friends, Be not afraid of them that kill the body, and after that have no more that they can do.
• John 15:15 Henceforth I call you not servants; for the servant knoweth not what his lord doeth: but I have called you friends; for all things that I have heard of my Father I have made known unto you.

We often sing about it.

• He dies, the friend of sinners dies (Isaac Watts)
• Jesus, Thou art the sinner’s friend, As such I look to Thee (Richard Burnham)
• What a friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear! (Joseph Scriven)
• I have found a friend in Jesus—He’s everything to me, He’s the fairest of ten thousand to my soul. (Charles W. Fry)
• There’s not a friend like the lowly Jesus, No, not one. (Johnson Oatman, Jr.)
• Jesus is all the world to me, My life, my joy, my all...He’s my friend. (Will L. Thompson)
• Now I have a dear friend, Jesus is mine; His love shall ever end, Jesus is mine. (H. J. M. Hope)
• In thee do we trust...our Maker, Defender, Redeemer, and Friend. (Robert Grant)
• Come life, come death, come, then what will, Jesus is my Friend. (Unknown)
• I’ve found a Friend, oh, such a Friend! He loved me ere I knew Him; He drew me with the cords of love, And thus He bound me to Him. (James Grindlay Small)

It is good to have true friends in this world. If a person lives long enough, his or her close friends are likely to change (perhaps several times). Jesus is our friend who loves at all times, that sticks closer than a brother, our “forever friend” – Jesus Christ the same yesterday, and to day, and for ever (Hebrews 13:8). 

Think on these things

How is this pandemic affecting our thinking? How might it permanently change us if we don’t set our minds to return to regular civility after this is all over? The covid scare and its “cures” have caused us to see those who come near us as sort of “enemy combatants” – those who might maim or kill us. We must keep a safe distance. No handshakes and no hugs. Maybe we look away, or maybe we stare.

When we first started back with in-person church, it seemed so foreign and strange to keep a distance, not shake hands, and not share in our normal one anothering. Now I am beginning to get used to it. But I don’t want to get used to it! May we never be used to it.

The masks may keep us from trading droplets, but they also hide our expressions. They cover the sympathizing smiles we might be willing to share with our covid co-complainants. For those with some hearing loss, it stifles communication, dulling the voice. I am seldom able to understand what someone with a mask is saying without asking them over several times. (I probably rely more on unconscious lip reading than I realize.) What about those who understand only by lip reading? The masks remove their ability to “hear,” and pretty much leaves them out in the cold.

This is not a commentary on the utility and effectiveness of masks and social distancing. I am not giving any advice on that. However, we who care need to be aware of how this pandemic affects and changes our thinking. We need to compensate when we can. In addition, when this is over and we are not wearing masks and social distancing, let’s not continue to act as if we are – with the mentality of keeping everyone at arm’s length. Let’s make a concerted effort to return to our fellowship of humanity and good old friendliness & hospitality.

My 2 cents, in days of great inflation.

The age of electronic friendship

Once upon a time we read in our Bibles statements such as "A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly" and "A friend loveth at all times." In the new age of electronic friendship it seems to be "to have friends a man must be on Facebook" and "one may be friended and unfriended at any time."

Computers and electronic media are wonderful tools, but have we fully considered the implications of "electronic friendship"? Just what is it, if it is anything at all?

According to the urbandictionary.com, electronic friendship is a "friendship that is defined by communication ONLY via electronic devices. i.e. AIM, facebook, myspace, text messages, etc." Furthermore, this type of friendship generally does not even include phone calls. Such friendships are most common among high school and college students and help exlude the awkward moments of contact face-to-face.

Before the advance of social networking media, a friend was a person that you actually knew -- came in contact with face-to-face -- with whom there was an attachment of mutual affection and personal regard. Now we click the "Add Friend button" on someone's profile and instantly we are friends. No fuss; no mess. It's true, electronic friendships go bad, but all you have to do is choose "Unfriend." No fuss; no mess. Real face-to-face friendships are much more fussy and much more messy. Are they worth it? Yes!

The age of electronic friendship is not going away anytime soon. Let's use what is good in it and leave off the bad. Let's not abandon the "face-to-face" and let's not be the couple seated across the table in a restaurant, each ignoring the other while "talking" to friends via text, twitter, and twenty ways to Tuesday. The sympathizing tear, the hand of fellowship, the firm embrace, the holy kiss and sweet communion are best experienced warmly and in person.

Proverbs 18:24 A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.

Proverbs 17:17 A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.

The Neighbourly Way

I usually think of the rural South as a place of genuine friendliness and neighborliness. I'm not so sure that is still true in a widespread way. Old neighbors die or move. New ones who move in that we hardly know. We often think of a neighbor as a person who lives nearby or next to another. Jesus taught us to think another way -- be a neighbor by showing sympathy, mercy and kindness (especially to those in distress). Even the world and the wicked love those that love them.

Luke 10:30-37 tells the story we usually call "The Good Samaritan". In it Jesus tells us of one who was robbed, beaten and left for dead. After the thieves left him, he was encountered by a priest, a Levite and a Samaritan. In the encounter with the thieves and these three others, we learn 3 philosophies of dealing with our "neighbors".

1. What is yours is mine and I can have it. "A certain man...fell among thieves, which stripped him of his raiment, and wounded him, and departed, leaving him half dead." The philosophy of thieves is that anything that belongs to another is rightfully theirs (the thief's). They will take whatever they can, regardless of consequences, and not worry their conscience about it.

2. What is mine is mine and you can't have it. "[A] certain priest...when he saw him, he passed by on the other side" and "a Levite...came and looked on him, and passed by on the other side." The philosophy of the cheapskate and the tightwad, like the priest and Levite, is not one that necessarily takes from others. It is possessive of its own; it will not share. Maybe you don't have to worry about them stealing from you and leaving you with the consequences -- but they will not help. Will not give. Will not share.

3. What is mine is yours and you can have it. "[A] certain Samaritan...saw him...had compassion on him...and took care of him." The "Good Samaritan" was larger than life, with a heart as open as his pocketbook. He looked not to what he had and how he could it keep for himself, but looked for what must be done. He alone was neighbor to the man who fell among thieves.

"Go, and do thou likewise."

[Note: The "3 Philosophies" is not original to me. I heard and learned this from some unremembered soul years ago.]

Union, by Trott

"Does union consist in being mingled together as the opposite parties of a controversy? For my own part I am free to acknowledge that I admire the spirit manifested and the course proposed by Abraham, when he said to Lot, "Let there be no strife between me and thee and between my herdmen and thy herdman; for we are brethren. Is not the whole land before thee? Separate thyself I pray thee, from me." Genesis 23:2-9. This example I would recommend to my brethren in Virginia and elsewhere, so far as the strife has extended; not for the purpose of of disunion, but to prevent strife.

"Let us say to those whom we have called 'brethren', but who are only our brethren's children, let us not remain together to keep up controversy, let us separate.

"I certainly think with the wise man that; "It is better to dwell in a corner of the house top, than with a brawling woman and in a wide house." - Proverbs 21:9. Whether this course is not more congenial with the spirit of the Gospel than to continue together in strife, judge ye.

"We urge upon our brethren to take the Bible as their only standard both of faith and practice, to turn to it for instruction, and to practice what and as the Master has said. We go to no higher antiquity than Christ and His apostles for authority, neither stop we short of that." -- Samuel Trott in Does Union consist in being mingled together? 1833

Is this thy kindness to thy friend?

Is this thy kindness to thy friend.
2 Samuel 16:17 And Absalom said to Hushai, "Is this your loyalty to your friend? Why did you not go with your friend?"

1 Poor, weak, and worthless though I am,
I have a rich almighty friend;
Jesus, the Savior, is his name,
He freely loves, and without end.

2 He ransomed me from hell with blood,
And by his pow'r my foes controlled;
He found me, wand'ring far from God,
And brought me to his chosen fold.

3 He cheers my heart, my wants supplies,
And says that I shall shortly be
Enthroned with him above the skies,
O! what a friend is CHRIST to me.

4 But ah! I my inmost spirit mourns,
And well my eyes with tears may swim,
To think of my perverse returns;
I've been a faithless friend to him.

5 Often my gracious Friend I grieve,
Neglect, distrust, and disobey,
And often Satan's lies believe,
Sooner than all my Friend can say.

6 He bids me always freely come,
And promises whate'er I ask:
But I am straitened, cold and dumb,
And count my privilege a task.

7 Before the world that hates his course,
My treach'rous heart has throbbed with shame;
Loth to forego the worlds applause,
I hardly dare avow his name.

8 Sure were not I most vile and base,
I could not thus my friend requite!
And were not he the God of grace,
He'd frown and spurn me from his sight.

-- John Newton
Olney Hymns, Book 1. Hymn 30, L.M.

A friend that sticketh closer than a brother

Proverbs 18:24 A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

1 One there is, above all others,
Well deserves the name of friend;
His is love beyond a brother's,
Costly, free, and knows no end:
They who once his kindness prove,
Find it everlasting love!

2 Which of all our friends to save us,
Could or would have shed their blood?
But our JESUS died to have us
Reconciled, in him to God:
This was boundless love indeed!
JESUS is a friend in need.

3 Men, when raised to lofty stations,
Often know their friends no more;
Slight and scorn their poor relations
Though they valued them before.
But our Savior always owns
Those whom he redeemed with groans.

4 When he lived on earth abased,
Friend of sinners was his name;
Now, above all glory raised,
He rejoices in the same:
Still he calls them brethren, friends,
And to all their wants attends.

5 Could we bear from one another,
What he daily bears from us?
Yet this glorious Friend and Brother,
Loves us though we treat him thus:
Though for good we render ill,
He accounts us brethren still.

6 O for grace our hearts to soften!
Teach us, Lord, at length to love;
We, alas! forget too often,
What a Friend we have above:
But when home our souls are brought,
We will love thee as we ought.

Olney Hymns, Book 1. Hymn 53
John Newton
Meter: 8.7.8.7.7.7.