Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Mark 17

A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17."

The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Every hand went up. The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only 16 chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Animal thoughts

"Be not hasty to judge. An ugly duckling just might be a beautiful swan."

"Never wrestle with a pig. You will both get filthy, and the pig loves it."

You can't bed with a skunk and wake up smelling like a rose.

“If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and man.” -- copied

“Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.” -- copied

Monday, July 28, 2014

Simple thoughts

Which came first, the "Doctor" or the "Doctor's Degree"?

It is well that God can speak through an ass, else He would have little use for many preachers.

If baptism is commanded and only immersion is baptism, then immersion (only) is commanded.

Death is not preventable.

Sunday, July 27, 2014

The 10 Commandments

With apologies to my legal and political friends (but this is funny, no matter who you are):

The real reason that we can’t have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse is this — 

You cannot post Thou Shalt Not Steal, Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery, and Thou Shall Not Lie in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment!

[Often attributed to George Carlin and sometimes to Larry the Cable Guy, but evidently not actually by either of them.]

Saturday, July 26, 2014

Back to the land of Linkin

The posting of links does not constitute an endorsement of the sites linked, and not necessarily even agreement with the specific posts linked.

* A new low for liberals: Attacking Catholic nuns over Hobby Lobby -- "Normally, one would expect an organization that considers itself the pre-eminent defender of women's choices to, you know, defend the free choice of a group of women."
* Bert and Ernie gay marriage cake refused by Northern Ireland bakery -- "A Northern Ireland bakery run by devout Christians could face legal action after it refused to make a gay-themed cake depicting the Sesame Street couple Bert and Ernie."
* Christian bookstores are the next gay-marriage battleground -- "If you think all Christian publishers reflexively oppose same-sex marriage, you are very, very wrong."
* Harry Reid’s Silly Ploy to Fight the Hobby Lobby Ruling -- "More than a week has gone by since the Supreme Court issued its 5-4 decision on Hobby Lobby et al, but the hysterical reaction to it has continued and amplified, especially on Capitol Hill."
* Miracle baby survives miscarriage AND abortion pill to be born healthy -- "Michelle Hui had been pregnant with twins and miscarried, but Megan, now 18 weeks old, miraculously survived."
* Rubio: Same-sex marriage foes face 'intolerance' -- "...he said he could not support such marriages despite a quick-moving shift in public opinion on allowing same-sex couples to marry."
* Why doesn't Brad preach verse by verse through the Bible? -- "From time to time people will ask me why I don’t preach verse by verse through books of the Bible."

* This Couple Spends Their Free Time Mocking Abortion Protesters -- "The blog was created back in March, and has grown in popularity with Tumblr users who think abortion is funny, garnering hundreds of Tumblr shares on certain posts."

I understand the concept of using humor to get one's point across. But to write about "Tumblr users who think abortion is funny" is hopefully a misstatement. I wouldn't think people who are either for or against abortion think it is funny.

Friday, July 25, 2014

10 Things I Hate About American Mission Projects

10. You act as if the American church is the true trend setter for how we should all do church.
9. You’re so concerned over the evil spirits ruling our land when so much evil breeds in your own backyard.
8. You live so far above our average standard of living and you behave as if you’re still in North America.
7. You conclude that you’re communicating effectively because we’re paying attention when we’re actually just intrigued by watching your foreign behavior.
6. You’re obsessed with picture-taking and making videos during our evangelistic programs. It’s really quite embarrassing for us.
5. You underestimate the effectiveness of our local church leaders.
4. You talk about us to your churches back home in such demeaning ways.
3. You too quickly get into the action without thinking through the implications on our churches long after you go home.
2. You call us backward for having little regard for your music, no palates for your green salads, no IQ’s for your advanced technology, and the list goes on.
1. You came to our country because some missions speaker gave you a guilt trip about giving your life to missions.

Thursday, July 24, 2014

I haven't moved

An elderly couple was moseying down a country road in their old pickup truck. A young couple in a shiny new pickup passed them from the other direction. The young man was driving and the young lady was sitting right up next to him, as close as she could get. He had his left hand on the steering wheel and his right arm around her shoulder. As they passed, the elderly lady looked at her husband and said, "Look at that! Remember when we used to travel like that?" He turned toward her and slowly replied, "I haven't moved."

Wednesday, July 09, 2014

Not my Boss's Business

Yesterday on the news I saw a protester holding a sign that read:

Birth Control -- Not My Boss's Business

That sounds logical, but...

My thought is that you are making it their business by asking them to pay for it. Perhaps it would be better to get back to the simplicity of "the boss" paying the salary and then the employee doing what he or she wants with their money.

Tuesday, July 08, 2014


Embalmer: the last person you want to meet

"Experience: that most brutal of teachers. But you learn, my God do you learn." -- C.S. Lewis

Abasement: where the furnace is located

Tomorrow: the best time to do the things you had planned for today

"Atheism: a non-prophet organization" -- George Carlin

Professor: one who talks in someone else's sleep

Miser: a man who lives poor in order to die rich

Sunday, July 06, 2014

Sandy Valley news: Never say never

Tragedy struck a hard blow in the Sandy Valley community this week. Suffering from a series of health issues that had become unbearably painful, Uncle John Craneman ended his life with a single shotgun blast to the head. The way he carried it out in death was as ingenious as his many unique inventions in life.

Reverend Peacock performed the sad eulogy. Forcefully he stressed the grace of God in salvation while some listeners secretly wondered whether a man who took his life could go to heaven. 

Elder Poden Tate, Uncle John's brother-in-law, didn't worry about that as his mind wandered to an ironic incident of years past. Some ten years ago Poden and John had attended the shape note singing convention together in Mineral Falls. As men were wont to do, at dinner-time several of them gathered to chew to fat and spread the news. One pressing piece of news was of a man some of them knew, who had committed suicide. Each shared his opinion on the matter. Uncle John added incredulously, "That'll be the last thing I'll ever do."

...And it was.

Friday, July 04, 2014

4th links

The posting of links does not constitute an endorsement of the sites linked, and not necessarily even agreement with the specific posts linked.

* 6 Things You Didn’t Know About Bonnie and Clyde -- "The young gangsters in love tore across the American Southwest during the Great Depression, leaving a trail of robberies and murders."
* 10 Common Grammar Mistakes Even Smart People Make -- "How well you use words can make a lasting impression on people."
* 30 Incorrectly Used Words That Can Make You Look Bad -- "While I like to think I know a little about business writing, I often fall into a few word traps."
* A Baptist Church Baptizing by Sprinkling? -- "I read recently of a Baptist church wanting to baptize a lady who was very sick and in the hospital...They sprinkled her."
* A Postlude to Hobby Lobby "...the Supreme Court has voiced its full-throated support for a holistic view of religious liberty rather than the amputated “freedom of worship” that many sectors of our nation are seeking to advance as a counterfeit of the constitutional doctrine."
* A simple solution to Hobby Lobby outrage -- "The following article is not meant for the political types on the Right and Left who are looking to exploit the Hobby Lobby decision for votes, headlines, and general fear-mongering."
* Ginsburg Dissent in Hobby Lobby, Conestoga Wood cases -- "The Court does not pretend that the First Amendment's Free Exercise Clause demands religion-based accommodations so extreme, for our decisions leave no doubt on that score."
* Hello, my name is Mike, I’m a recovering True Believer -- "This is my own story of getting transfixed by a pretty light and getting fried in the end."
* 'Heroes' helped stop gunman at Seattle university -- "When a lone gunman armed with a shotgun at a small Seattle university stopped firing at students to reload, another student pepper-sprayed him and subdued him with the help of others and prevented more deaths, police said. "
* Starbucks Praises Barista Who Defended Breastfeeding Mom -- "...when her 5-month-old son became hungry, she sat down at a table to breastfeed. Soon, a female customer approached a male barista to complain."
* Supreme Court opinion on Hobby Lobby, Samuel Alito -- "...protecting the free-exercise rights of corporations like Hobby Lobby, Conestoga, and Mardel protects the religious liberty of the humans who own and control those companies."

4th picnic

A church had an Independence Day picnic and invited the entire community to come. The Pastor placed a basket full of apples on one end of a table with a sign saying, "Take only one apple please - Remember that God is watching."

On the other end of the table was a plate of cookies. One of the children placed a sign on them saying, "Take all the cookies you want -- God is watching the apples."

Thursday, July 03, 2014

Need a free haircut?

A Rabbi went to the local barber shop. After his haircut, he got ready to pay the barber and the barber said, "No Rabbi, I don't charge the clergy for haircuts." The next morning the barber found a loaf of Jewish rye bread outside on his door step.

A couple of days passed and a Catholic priest came in to get his hair cut. When he got ready to pay the barber said, "No Father, I don't charge the clergy for haircuts." The next morning he found a bottle of wine outside on his front door step.

Several days later a Baptist minister came in to get his hair cut. When he got ready to pay the barber said, "No Pastor, I don't charge the clergy for haircuts." 

The next morning, the barber found 12 Baptist preachers on his door step, ready for a hair cut!

Tuesday, July 01, 2014

Today's links

The posting of links does not constitute an endorsement of the sites linked, and not necessarily even agreement with the specific posts linked.

* 11 Sounds That Your Kids Have Probably Never Heard -- "Who knew that some noises could eventually become as extinct as the passenger pigeon? "
* Archivist: IRS Didn't Follow Law With Lost Emails -- "Any agency is required to notify us when they realize they have a problem."
* Does the Bible Need to Be Set Free? -- "That's what I loved. That's what I still love. These stories are beautiful and contagious...And the worst thing I can say about the world I live in today is that most people I know don't have them. They may have a church. They may have a Bible. But they don't have these stories."
* FBI: Children rescued in sex-trafficking crackdown -- "Nearly 170 victims of child sex trafficking, many of whom had never been reported missing, were rescued in the last week as part of an annual nationwide crackdown..."
* Glenn Beck and Sean Hannity are boosting a profoundly anti-Christian movie — and no one cares -- "For those of you who skipped An Introduction to Libertarian Literature, Objectivism is Rand's philosophy and the ideology sold in Atlas; its central tenets are axiomatic commitments to self-interest, reason, and reality..."
* Methodist panel overturns pastor’s defrocking -- "The jury’s punishment was illegal under church law...clergy can only be punished for what they have been convicted of doing in the past, not for what they may or may not do in the future."
* Rand Paul Throws Obama a Lifeline on Iraq, Spars With Dick Cheney -- ""And what’s going on now, I don’t blame on President Obama. Has he really got the solution? Maybe there is no solution. But I do blame the Iraq War on the chaos that is in the Middle East. I also blame those who are for the Iraq War for emboldening Iran."
* Someone Should Tell Hillary She's Part of the 1 Percent -- "Here is some free advice for Hillary Clinton, even though she can easily afford it: stop pretending you're middle class."
* The Dead White Poet You Need in Your Life -- "Why all this interest in Herbert, and why now? I believe it's because Herbert writes with unblinking candor about both the joy of faith and the ongoing pain of our remaining weakness."
* Why Avocados Rule -- "One of the keys to a healthy diet? Find nutritious foods you love to eat."